|Subject||Things not to say in a wedding toast|
|DateCreated||6/12/2006 6:10:00 PM|
|PostedDate||6/12/2006 5:49:00 PM|
Very few people are natural toast-makers. That's fine; it's not an easy thing to do. Being self-aware can help, though:
No one cares who YOU are.
You are not funny.
"Is this thing on?" or, "Can you hear me NOW?"
"Marriage is a three-ring circus: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and suffer-ring!"
"One good thing about marrying a lawyer: if it doesn't work out, the divorce is easy!"
The wedding ceremony was beautiful. Everyone was in tears, including the cake.*
You don't know how to improvise.
You are not a poet. DO NOT WRITE A POEM.
Finally, a reminder: everyone will be waiting for you to tell them to drink. "To the Bride and Groom", "Cheers!", "Le'chaim!", "Salud!" or any of the others here will do the trick. More than once we've seen people still standing at the end of the night, frozen forever with their glasses full of flat champagne, absently mumbling "hear, hear!"
* Tears is a homonym for tiers. The band actually liked that one, but still...