Subject Your dress is lovely, Mrs. Hatfield! Wait, I mean, Mrs. McCoy....
DateCreated 10/19/2008 8:05:00 PM
PostedDate 10/20/2008 2:57:00 AM
  • Our 4th wedding for this particular family/friend group - yes   
  • Bartender refused to serve me a glass of ice water because the "bar was closed to get ready for the introductions" - yes, and by the way the introductions don't start until the band is ready.  Jerk.
  • Chicken Football TM - yes

A lot of nonsense comes out of my mouth when I'm trying to whip a crowd up into a frenzy (or to get them off their lazy butts), but I usually avoid embarrassing episodes like this or this or this, or, well you get the idea.  Read the blog.  Recently, though, I had one to make even C himself proud.  He and the photographer were discussing that the bride and groom had a lot of college friends at the reception, and the bride wanted to make sure that she got a group shot with everyone from Boston College before the night was over.  They agreed that the best time to do that would be just before we started our next set, and moved on to other topics.  After dinner, the band voted me into starting the set with "Sweet Caroline" to wake everyone up and get them on the dance floor.  Why this even works is beyond me, but I squared my shoulders and headed out to the empty dance floor:

    "OK, kids!  You've had your dinner; probably a few drinks, too; and quite a few of you have been sitting for a while talking over old college stories.  In fact, I just saw Laura and all of her old Boston buddies take a picture in back!  Let's hear it for Boston!  Let's hear it for Fenway Park!  Imagine it's the middle of the 8th at Fenway and none of you have early classes at Boston College tomorrow!  Let's go Eagles!  Let's go Red Sox!  Sing along to Neil Diamond just the way you did back then!"

It was working until I mentioned 'early classes', and then the roar from the crowd turned into a kind of confused, "um?"  Things sort of petered out, and I turned to look at the band.  C was whispering something to H and had a sheepish look on his face.  Suddenly I got it and yelled at him, "it was Boston UNIVERSITY, wasn't it you dumbass!"  He started laughing and looked away just as a stunningly beautiful girl in an orange dress came over to me and whispered, "um, actually we all went to Boston U."  She did not add, as she should have, "dumbass."  Now I'm stuck, and did the only thing I could think of:

    "Did I just say Boston COLLEGE?  I did not just say Boston College!  The only way I would have mentioned that lousy, stinking school would be that I can't imagine that ANY of the fabulous, intelligent, attractive people at this wedding would have gone to a second-rate crudhole like that!  WHERE'S MY BOSTON UNIVERSITY CROWD?  WHERE ARE YOU?  LET ME HEAR IT!"

We managed to get everyone on the dance floor, screaming along, and they stayed there the rest of the night.  But, for at least half the set I couldn't shake the feeling that the father of the bride was going to take me aside, mention that he went to Boston College, and tear up our paycheck in my face...