“Ya gotta go, ya gotta go, y’know? I always had questions about it, though. Like, did they have two different buckets for number one and number two? Or his and hers? Who emptied it? Was it a household chore?
“Hi guys, I’m Melanie! Janie’s best friend, yknow?!! We’ve known each other, like forever, and I know everything about her. I mean it! I wanted to tell everyone what a great girl she is, and what a total BEST Stephen is, and I thought of the funniest story ever!
“So. You all know they live together, right? Sorry Father Joe!!! Didn’t mean to be the one to tell you they were living in sin and all!!! Anyway, the house they bought is like this total mess, and the bathroom is disgusto. Steve was like, ‘I can fix it!’ and Jane was like, ‘OK!’ So he did that thing where you rip all the walls down, and it was unbelievable! Like, there was nothing there not even a sink or a toilet or a shower or a towel rack or a box of tissues. Or a ceiling. He did SUCH a great job–except for the part where you have to put the new stuff in, ’cause it stayed empty–and everyone was ‘how do you go to the bathroom’? and they wouldn’t tell because it was all mysterious!! But it was really simple! They had a bucket.
“Ya gotta go, ya gotta go, y’know? I always had questions about it, though. Like, did they have two different buckets for number one and number two? Or his and hers? Who emptied it? Was it a household chore? ‘Honey, don’t forget the milk tonight! And empty the poop bucket on your out! WHERE DID THEY EMPTY IT? Did they bring it to work and flush it there, or do the neighbors have a lot more fertilizer than they bargained for? I sure hope they kept it separate from everything else in the house! ‘Hey, where did you marinate those steaks?’
“So, as maid of honor I’m supposed to toast the newlyweds! I love them! I thought of something they might need though, so here’s a little present to send them on their way. JOE GO GET IT. A new bucket! OK, it’s more of a Tupperware container, but it’s only symbolic since you guys called that contractor! Aw, Janie, don’t look so pissed! That’s what the bucket is for!”
Two little old ladies work there; they watch the door, greet visitors and point to the elevators to show them where to go. I’m not sure that they do anything else, actually, but they seem very nice in a grandmotherly way. Also, they consistently attempt to cut us off early so they can go home.
There’s a function facility in South County that we’ve done a few weddings at over the past year and a half, and it’s a beautiful, unique location right on the water. (Of course, there is no such thing as ‘South’ county in Rhode Island but we are not even slowed by cartographic misnomers.) Two little old ladies work there; they watch the door, greet visitors and point to the elevators to show them where to go. I’m not sure that they do anything else, actually, but they seem very nice in a grandmotherly way. Also, they consistently attempt to cut us off early so they can go home.
The first time it happened, we thought there was some sort of mixup with scheduling. It can happen, since sometimes there are three different time lines going: ours, the function coordinator’s, and the caterers. And so when they came to us during a wedding with an 11:00PM end and told us that we were supposed to be done at 10:30, we panicked. There was a lot of back and forth with the caterer and the father of the bride before it was resolved, and I think we did in fact end that night at 10:45. We were there again recently and hadn’t even started playing before one of them tottered over to the band (we had no idea they ever left their posts by the door) and started in.
“Now, you know you’re supposed to be finished at 10:30, young man. Make sure you time the last dance so that we can put the lights up and start letting people out!”
“Our contract says 11:00 ma’am,” said C. He was ready this time, and was already pulling the contract when she replied, “Oh, now that sounds like a mistake to me,” and sauntered away, audibly clicking her tongue. We were finishing our soundcheck a few minutes later when the photographer came over, visibly upset, and asked, “why wasn’t I informed that we’re ending at 10:30?” Sneaky little sweet-looking grandma was trying to undercut us. We had to bring in the father of the bride, the mother of the bride, the groom, the bride, the photographer and the caterer to sort it through. At the end of the night we did the last dance and then, right as they put the lights up, C shouted “let’s do one more song!” I’m not really certain what it says about us that we wanted to stick it to the old ladies, but I’m sure it’s an unrelated coincidence that the van had a flat tire the next day.
Recently, our drummer stopped at a Dunkin’ Donuts on the way to a gig for a little pick-me-up (drummers, as a rule, need large amounts of caffeine and sugar. It’s like having a large toddler around, especially because they’re always hitting things.) He was running late, and so was already wearing his tux to save time once he got to the gig. (Yes, he was running late –but still stopping for coffee. See toddler comment, above.) There was a teenage girl behind the counter who stared at him for a second, then instead of asking for his order said, “So. Which is it?”
Confused, M answered, “excuse me?”
She replied, “dressed like that, you’re either going to a funeral or to a wedding that NOBODY wants to see happen.”
Momentarily stunned, he finally answered, “Actually, for a funeral I might spring for dry-cleaning…”
The second album by St. Luke’s Church Contemporary Choir, Abide In Our Hearts has some of our most-played songs. “Give Thanks” was written for our summer religious education program, and the children enjoyed it so much that we decided to give it a formal recording. Everybody loves a good ‘Alleluia!’, once in a while. “Everlasting God” was one of our first original songs, dating back to at least 2002, and is still to this day one of our congregation’s favorites. The album’s centerpiece, however, is “Fr. Bill’s Blessing”, written after the passing of our pastor, Fr. William Jenkinson, in 2005. It sets his personal prayer of farewell (with which he ended every mass) to music, and includes a classical piano solo, in honor of his own great talent.
Originally released on CD in October, 2008, and still available at CDBaby.
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The SATB arrangement of Fr. Bill’s Blessing is available through JW Pepper and SheetMusicPlus.
“Rejoice Tonight” was the first release from the music ministry at St. Luke’s Church. It was a collection of Christmas music, done in our offbeat style, and featured a country-rock version of “It Came Upon The Midnight Clear” (my first attempt at playing mandolin, which is obvious to anyone who hears it), as well as a faux-jazz guitar solo of “O Come O Come Emmanuel”. The title track was the first original song we released, and it wasn’t even half-written when we recorded the drums. The miracle of (basement) studio technology. This album was one of our best sellers, and still gets a fair amount of play during the Christmas season, which currently starts around the end of July.
Originally released on CD in November, 2006, and still available at CDBaby.
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